Is this it?

when pleasing one breaks the trust of another?

Why should I even worry? Why should I even care? She never took me seriously from the moment I met her. Just like everyone else. So of course she won’t take my love for him seriously either. I should have realized that from the start.

But I thought she was different.

I thought she’d understand. Understand that there many ways to express love. I thought she’d understand that what he and I did together… it strengthened our bond. She didn’t see the look of ecstasy on his face as I did what I did. That look that told me that he trusted me with his entire being and… my actions were bringing him such intense pleasure.

Contrary to what she believes, I did it for him. I aimed to satisfy his needs above my own. That’s how love works, no matter the method. Had he asked, I would’ve stopped. But he didn’t need to, since he’s strong. He endured it all… and I thought that to be amazing. He’s the only man I know that is masochistic enough to allow me to do something so painfully intimate with him.

He’s also the only man, no… the only person that has accepted me completely. She called me a killer and pushed me away, yet he still clung on. Even after he saw every side of me… Even after all the shit I put him through… after every secret… he still wants me. He knows me better than anyone and he actually wants to be with me because I am me. Not for any other reason. He loves me… and I love him. 

I know what my endgame is.

I’m just upset I fucked up another cherished relationship in the process of this realization. 

Once they start hating me, they never really stop, after all… I’m predicting that my relationship with her will be strained and tense from here on out. She’ll never look at me the same way. Her eyes will be filled with anger and hatred. It’s just so confusing since she’s the one that tried easing me into hunting innocents. Because of that, I thought she’d be okay with this. But if this really upset her that much, then I question that tough act she puts on. 

Whatever…

Enough of this… I need to go check on him.